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Democracy has been taken for granted at a time when it is most endangered. Neo-Conservatives are organized to replace it with oligarchy, to replace consent for the rule of law with fascistic allegiance to the executive branch disguised as "patriotism." As a team made up of a political philosopher and a writer, we consider otherwise repressed information from a critical perspective in the hope of elevating the quality of our political dialogue so that it is worthy of a truly democratic society.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Desperately Crawling to the Surface

Eric, i think i may have told you in an email that i have just come closer than ever before to a nervous breakdown. I am sure there are many kinds of dispositions in intelligent people - i just happen to have landed the schizo-crackhead form of brainy-ness. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for nearly four months now. We don't talk about anything meaningful, but he is concerned to manage whatever symptoms of psychological breakdown i'm experiencing with useful meds, and that has helped to one degree or another.

Gillian flipped her shit in the last year. The abbreviated version is too disturbing to talk about right now, so i'll spare both of us. The short story is that she is no longer living with me and i've taken in new roommates. Evan is still around and much better to live with after two years. He'll be defending his dissertation soon.

I am stuck midway in dissertation - mainly due to psychological meltdown. I am supposed to call one of my committee members next week, and i'm looking forward to this because i have not found a way back to my old workhabits.

I am teaching primarily in Religious Studies now, doing Asian religion/philosophy and comparative philosophy east/west. Teaching my own class this summer has been a new challenge and i was in knots throughout but my evals were stellar and i got many nice personal letters from students attached to finals thanking me directly. This has been nice - but it hasn't totally broken my cycle of self-loathing.

My most immediate goal is to begin writing on a regular basis again, and that would include posting here. We'll see how it goes. Things with Bill are stellar as always - how did i ever manage to land such an interesting, compassionate philosophy professor? I could have ended up with any number of skinny, less than impressive dweebs. I have so many years invested in this amazing person that i often have to perform a reality check on myself, just to be sure i know what i've got. It takes a lot of effort to bear in mind that i am actually happy, i guess.

My van has broken down so many times, it's probably not worth the gunpowder it would take to blow it to hell as old man Blasch would say. But i do still have it. I also have now a 1991 Mercedes 190E which i bought for 4700 and love in a completely irrational way. I don't think i will ever go back to non-Mercedes automobiles, if i can help it. Three cheers for good old German anal-retentive engineering. I'm so proud that the tears are welling as i type...

My sister, Bill and I are going to see Dead Can Dance in Seattle in September. This will be phenomenal. I have been thinking of you and wondering about the chances of getting you to come out to visit - we can take a drive to the ocean and reflect over a bottle of wine.

Keeping in touch this time goddamnit - Lisa

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